Wednesday, May 28, 2014

word junk

For the longest time I fought the annoying urge to keep to myself. I mean, everyone I looked up to was outgoing (extroverted). I would ask people to hangout. Text people all the time. Try to think of witty things to say. Find things to do with people and try to get groups of people together to do activities. I hated when I was with most people (not family related). I would be with people and wish I was home or with individuals that I felt comfortable with. I guess this coincides with myself growing up. As I get older, I find that I don't care what people think. If I want to be alone, I'll just walk away and go read or clean (not the funniest activity but I make due).. probably not the friendliest approach, and it can get pretty award a some points, but like I said... I don't care. Most days I do wish I was more outgoing and wanted/ had more friends. I mostly wish I had someone to talk to. I like listening, but having a symbiotic relationship of talking would be ideal. I guess it doesn't bother me too much. I'm used to being ignored. I mean, my whole childhood I never felt wanted. I remember begging my mom to let me live with my dad. Constant tears of hate and frustration. I just wanted to be somewhere I was comfortable and wanted.
This blog has turned to me complaining. But who else am I supposed to turn to? I have so much bottled up and this is the place that I can get it all out.
My life is pretty great though. So Just ignore this...

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