tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69954592195413604992024-03-05T03:38:24.290-07:00Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.Ranting, rambling, thoughts, ideas, and so much more...Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.comBlogger134125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-47717276322923173022020-09-22T12:13:00.000-06:002020-09-22T12:13:07.839-06:00awkwardI decided to write a little about growing up. <div>
Personally, I try not think too much into my past. But, in reality it was a huge part of what made me, well, me... duh. I'm not writing to get sympathy or a pat on the back. More so to maybe help myself now, and later. Maybe if you read this you'll see me as a person, and not just some girl that has weird antics or bad habits. Or maybe we can relate to each other.</div>
<div>
This will be in different ages that I can remember. Different events in my life that I can recall. It wont be consistent, I can promise you that. I'll post now and maybe post again in 2 years.. that's just what works for me. This is me, enjoy.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
AGE 8</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
By this time my parents have gotten a divorce. I'm too young to understand the concept of not loving or even loving someone, so this has no real affect on my now. I don't even remember my parents telling me they were getting divorced, I think my mom just left my dad and I woke up somewhere different that morning. When I say left my dad, she literally left.. he had to deal with the house, moving everything, selling everything, dealing with the questions floating around. I do remember all too well being the only girl in school and church that had divorced parents. I felt like I was a disease, my church leaders would look at me like I was abandoned, like I was a stray. I hated feeling different or looked out like my life was doomed to be normal. With their divorce I also can remember is going from house to house. To my dads, my mom, my grandmas, moving to different apartments with my mom, sleeping on the couch as my dads, staying up way too late with no supervision with my bother. </div>
<div>
The thing that bothers me at this age is moving to so many different schools. I'm not sure why my mom moved around so much. I moved so much that I don't even remember my teachers names, I just remember their faces. I remember friends, I remember faces of friends, I remember the feeling of always being the new kid, it never went away. </div>
<div>
I'm 8 years old (and counties until i'm 10 or so) and still sleep in my dads bed sometimes. I can't grasp if it is wrong or not. Even now, I'm not sure what to think of it. Nothing ever happened, maybe it was because I didn't have a bed- I'll just leave it at that.</div>
<div>
At this time my mom remarries the biggest piece of shit. Granted I'm 8, I don't know how to judge character. His name is Kay. Have you ever not felt safe in your own home, in your own room? It's a feeling that no one should have to feel. fast forward a few years, I'm 10. I have outburst of hating my life. I scream and cry and yell. I hate living with my mom. Everyday I tell her I want to live with my dad. She never gives in. Why does she want me living there? She never gives me the time of day and it's clear she'd rather spend her time with Kay. I'm not wanted, but I'm stuck. I can't even leave my room most days, because I hate the way Kay looks at me. I hate being a girl, I hate myself. </div>
<div>
I tell my mom I'm uncomfortable around him, nothing happens, and I'm pushed aside. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My dad- doesn't know how to be a dad. God, does that feel good to get out. My whole life i've lied to myself about him. Oh, he'd help anyone in heart beat, but he'll forget his kids birthdays and not get you anything for christmas. Not the point, but also the point. He was my hero growing up, but things change. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My mom- poison. I don't really know another word to describe her. She really is one of the nicest people you'll meet. But being selfish is poison. She'll talk all day about loving you, but always choose herself in the end. Always. It's tiring, it's draining, it's life. You'll never be able to change someone like her. I've tried my whole life. All it has gotten me is sleepless nights and lots of tears. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-75082845807389966792017-04-12T11:38:00.002-06:002017-04-12T11:38:40.514-06:00Yes, I am still alive!I know I haven't wrote in a very long time. I am ashamed to admit it. This was once my place to vent and write all my memories down, and now I never have time. Currently I'm in nursing school so my spare time is spent studying and sleeping.<br />
I did want to update the world that I have opened an etsy shop! Go look around the one product that I offer haha.<br />
<br />
<br />
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SaltypinesStudio?ref=hdr_shop_menu<br />
<br />
<br />
I make macrame items and this one is a deal of all deals!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-YFzJq0BCCHtzsgem3qUxRZ8jvmdDUPos5nr3Dw4I7QEtcVUhRHitVLmbTMsJPfnc2S0JpoCqXq8YvZfjfkj_SEFLrtu72KPNS-8FtDJXhy3yC9NvGrdDoErkT9V95Na_3fEsRxKzl7tH/s1600/mac3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-YFzJq0BCCHtzsgem3qUxRZ8jvmdDUPos5nr3Dw4I7QEtcVUhRHitVLmbTMsJPfnc2S0JpoCqXq8YvZfjfkj_SEFLrtu72KPNS-8FtDJXhy3yC9NvGrdDoErkT9V95Na_3fEsRxKzl7tH/s640/mac3.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-43862682071001442352015-05-14T14:28:00.001-06:002015-05-14T14:40:18.110-06:00Summer Time SadnessBrace yourself. Everything good may come to an end. How silly is it, that your whole life can be determined by a electronic paper and a few words. Get ready to be compared and contrasted to a couple hundred of people, that you know have fought harder and longer to get to the top. Wait, hold your tongue... you may say the wrong thing. Everyone says, 'if you don't try, how will you ever know?'. Life has shut me down, one too many times. I'm scared, really scared. So, brace yourself. My gut feeling has me on the verge of a nervous break down.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtPGILYXCfKU5kD6-3Sq4N3RG8ymRQ4fet1hfzwpMTv7zulnDYaIo1zMz1xELaQceRVJMoF1u8Zkxo759FD1N0058o55M2lAINYhIeLpZFFXXifumKzQ40PsSbNYcwFq6BKR7m2f5VUjeY/s1600/tumblr_mzxitbiygk1sciteso1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtPGILYXCfKU5kD6-3Sq4N3RG8ymRQ4fet1hfzwpMTv7zulnDYaIo1zMz1xELaQceRVJMoF1u8Zkxo759FD1N0058o55M2lAINYhIeLpZFFXXifumKzQ40PsSbNYcwFq6BKR7m2f5VUjeY/s640/tumblr_mzxitbiygk1sciteso1_500.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-51467646109625250082015-03-16T12:53:00.000-06:002015-03-16T12:55:54.852-06:00To: you From: meI just wanted to write you a "letter". So, you'll have to deal with me being all cheesy, mushy, gooey for like a couple paragraphs. I just wanted to thank you, thank you for being so loving, patient, and understanding. I was thinking a lot about what you said on our way home from Red Rocks, you know, that you hope I was happy and that you hope that I don't feel obligated to stay with you because I live with you and have nowhere else to go. haha. But, I hope I was clear in my response... I'm way happy with you and I always have been! Being with you has been my favorite thing/ has been interesting, we've had a lot of ups and downs. From living in different cities, you being reckless, then me being reckless, to moving in with you, me crying to you countless times about school or you not listening /caring what I say.. hah. Sometimes I get nervous and make myself distanced from you... I just get scared. I mean, how did I get someone like you to like me...I'm this shy, introverted person that comes up with thee most random childish things. :/ Well, anyway, I hope you know you've really improved and you're the best listener now, you've never made me feel not loved, and you make me smile constantly. I feel like we sort of have each other figured out and hopefully it gets better! <br />
If you're ever unhappy or anything is bothering you, I hope you will talk to me about it. And I hope you never get board of me..<br />
I have too many thoughts going through my head though. If you want to hear more I can tell you tonight. <br />
<br />
bye, (:Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-79343552220552662642014-07-16T22:06:00.002-06:002014-07-16T22:13:07.512-06:00Is there comfort in being second runner upDo you ever get used to coming in last? Or being the only person you can rely on? Or is life just a constant mess of "I should have tried harder". Where is the line when you can just stop feeling disappointed... Is that the way we grow and learn? Does anyone even care about anyone else but theirselves? Does anyone even listen to you when you talk or engage interest in anyone but theirselves. Ironically, I'm the best at it.Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-48568610793072438662014-05-28T22:24:00.001-06:002014-05-28T22:25:48.041-06:00word junkFor the longest time I fought the annoying urge to keep to myself. I mean, everyone I looked up to was outgoing (extroverted). I would ask people to hangout. Text people all the time. Try to think of witty things to say. Find things to do with people and try to get groups of people together to do activities. I hated when I was with most people (not family related). I would be with people and wish I was home or with individuals that I felt comfortable with. I guess this coincides with myself growing up. As I get older, I find that I don't care what people think. If I want to be alone, I'll just walk away and go read or clean (not the funniest activity but I make due).. probably not the friendliest approach, and it can get pretty award a some points, but like I said... I don't care. Most days I do wish I was more outgoing and wanted/ had more friends. I mostly wish I had someone to talk to. I like listening, but having a symbiotic relationship of talking would be ideal. I guess it doesn't bother me too much. I'm used to being ignored. I mean, my whole childhood I never felt wanted. I remember begging my mom to let me live with my dad. Constant tears of hate and frustration. I just wanted to be somewhere I was comfortable and wanted.<br />
This blog has turned to me complaining. But who else am I supposed to turn to? I have so much bottled up and this is the place that I can get it all out.<br />
My life is pretty great though. So Just ignore this... <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibFyt71cvAkZoqa88qq50HTjbdjU1Bom5uvy_EG3Duko7LHcaYAF84UtfaezZGK3q5J-UhoNyZ_kRFku-LMDu7TwaVoAfswvXWb6dg6ElCzg3RwaiIX1WdbacPqy-HXcjtOrelTYXK2Lej/s1600/tumblr_mmh1d8G3BL1qm7wb5o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibFyt71cvAkZoqa88qq50HTjbdjU1Bom5uvy_EG3Duko7LHcaYAF84UtfaezZGK3q5J-UhoNyZ_kRFku-LMDu7TwaVoAfswvXWb6dg6ElCzg3RwaiIX1WdbacPqy-HXcjtOrelTYXK2Lej/s1600/tumblr_mmh1d8G3BL1qm7wb5o1_500.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-76340483647867028082014-04-29T19:07:00.002-06:002014-04-29T19:11:13.972-06:00Exposer is no place for a cowardI've never felt so depressed in my life. I guess having a home and a safe place is my comfort. I never knew trying to make people happy was such a daunting task and I feel drained. So when does the cortisol start kicking in? When do I go into fight mode and start making life my bitch. Or am I the one that flees? Life was going so great. How could I let my guard down. Now, as I have no home, the semester comes and I haven't seriously studied once.. And I don't even care if I don't do well. That doesn't sound like me and I don't know what's wrong. From the student that's never been late or missed an assignment. I'm ready to surrender. Here's my white flag. You won.Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-85157885725173907602014-04-10T16:19:00.000-06:002014-04-10T16:28:53.112-06:00Annual update...<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYdZu3fzEMA" target="_blank">!!!!</a> And you guessed it, still doing the same thing as the last time I updated about myself. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...<br />
Today I just thought i'd do something different and blogging was just the thing. Maybe because I have way to much on my mind.<br />
Don't you just hate when every negative thought comes to your mind. When you do nothing but feel sorry for yourself. Or when you feel like crying for no apparent reason. Yeah, I hate days like that too. I don't even know why I get in that mind set. I'm generally a happy person.<br />
But a thought that always keeps reoccurring in my mind is... how much I hate my parents. And how much I envy people with good ones. I can't help but think how selfish my mom and dad are. What even makes an individual selfish? No one teaches it to their kids, it seems like a natural instinct? I don't understand. Anyway, that could be a whole other blog post in and of itself. I love my parents, promise. I just hate how they are oblivious to their children. Now, here I am, fearing I'll turn out just like them... or better yet hating people that remind me of them. When someone is selfish or oblivious to other people. I can't help but clench my teeth together and try to let the moment pass. My only hope is probably my sister. The love she has for her kids is pure and her selflessness for them boggles my mind. Where did she learn that, certainty not from my parents. Where I'd be without her, I don't like to think about. <br />
Anyway, I feel somewhat better.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi12jzWSF7dHEdq63vbuVP_V8Yked02LH_RjrYSqHBgFmFafkG_6AcRqw54y5c5PczVRYlwVj0aKspHOfWnCxUiaPClA0hfVQPBYKQ3yGEUlrGOizjgeo3WKEuGN1SEZ2X-MF4gZJD5BGwq/s1600/tumblr_mzmdt7oM0g1rc2ub3o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi12jzWSF7dHEdq63vbuVP_V8Yked02LH_RjrYSqHBgFmFafkG_6AcRqw54y5c5PczVRYlwVj0aKspHOfWnCxUiaPClA0hfVQPBYKQ3yGEUlrGOizjgeo3WKEuGN1SEZ2X-MF4gZJD5BGwq/s1600/tumblr_mzmdt7oM0g1rc2ub3o1_500.jpg" height="640" width="456" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-55149810202169904392013-09-26T14:44:00.000-06:002013-09-26T14:44:11.367-06:00That time again?<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuQrLsTUcN0" target="_blank">here</a> Please, please, please tell me i'm not the only abnormal person... that always thinks about death. It's a sore in my mouth that I can't leave alone. It's my roommates alarm that I can vaguely hear in the mornings, just enough to wake me but not loud enough to disturb me completely. <br />
Maybe it's because my birthday is tomorrow, and I dread nothing more than growing up. But, I can't shake the thought of dying or worse... losing people I love. Isn't that the most horrible thing ever? Loving something and inevitably knowing they'll be gone. I guess this shouldn't be a big deal and all, because I can't do a thing about it. But, it's bothering me more so than ever. It's making me become agitated with people and myself. I don't like it. And I hope it passes soon. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicXiy4mLbsXlW7P_gedtRzSq7HyI-I9zrFBPkmxoLR643UQvbBRhtwCULBwLJZvXFg7iyX7OQwtJPPJLwkIZJDPcFqmlQQoZr7W7rTwwsOk6dkIZikcICP36viMfvPT17OGbHDgJqRFl3b/s1600/tumblr_mfrnhugyTm1qckkj8o1_250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicXiy4mLbsXlW7P_gedtRzSq7HyI-I9zrFBPkmxoLR643UQvbBRhtwCULBwLJZvXFg7iyX7OQwtJPPJLwkIZJDPcFqmlQQoZr7W7rTwwsOk6dkIZikcICP36viMfvPT17OGbHDgJqRFl3b/s640/tumblr_mfrnhugyTm1qckkj8o1_250.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
It has been a recurring question, and you think that it would get easier to answer. But its never been easy for me to answer. I have a mini melt down when I'm forced to answer it.<br />
So, for the sake of reassurance that I do in fact enjoy things, i need to put my mind at ease.<br />
... I like reading, I love it actually. My favorite places and people are in a paper back novel on my shelf. <br />
I like writing. I've never been anything close to a verbal person. I even find myself stuttering over words sometimes and when I try to explain something to someone, it never makes sense.<br />
I like film cameras anything more and i'm not as amused. <br />
I like when I have nothing to do during the day, and I can do anything or nothing, if I please.<br />
I like traveling. Secretly, I think its my best favorite because I'm usually with Scott. <br />
I like being wrong. It forces me to be right. <br />
I like animals. A lot!<br />
I like memorizing poems, camping, rock climbing, music...<br />
I guess I could go on all day. But i'll stop. <br />
<br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/CreativeWork">Unable are the Loved to die<br />For Love is Immortality,<br />Nay, it is Deity—<br /><br />Unable they that love—to die<br />For Love reforms Vitality<br />Into Divinity. </span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/CreativeWork">I just memorized this.. now I need to find a new one. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSj8IloC__a3Py6XRMSK-OBlcBzkwcw5PwPvYKSScydz3ZCjSTW0yioRFnc9pvXQ9MKPipKdTE1li44aTCQPvGXnlXyS2CzBODLMCy0eZUdG8ozluI0HWWBybPjB1MdkyO4Kihtw3ow7S6/s1600/tumblr_mdr4z4QfB51qaobbko1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSj8IloC__a3Py6XRMSK-OBlcBzkwcw5PwPvYKSScydz3ZCjSTW0yioRFnc9pvXQ9MKPipKdTE1li44aTCQPvGXnlXyS2CzBODLMCy0eZUdG8ozluI0HWWBybPjB1MdkyO4Kihtw3ow7S6/s640/tumblr_mdr4z4QfB51qaobbko1_500.jpg" width="436" /></a></div>
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/CreativeWork"> </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-75119808691838935012013-08-12T23:06:00.000-06:002013-08-12T23:06:00.387-06:00When I dieWhen I die. <br />
When my brain stops processing.<br />
When my breathing slows to nothing.<br />
When I start going in and out of reality.<br />
When that cooling sensation overwhelms me. <br />
When ever that happens...<br />
Just let me go. <br />
<br />
When I die, just let me go.<br />
Don't keep me alive... with Facebook pages or writing on my 'wall'.<br />
I want to be none existent. It's either that, or I want glory to my name..<br />
But, lets be honest. That won't happen. <br />
If you miss me, I'll know.<br />
So, just let me go.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FjkcvY5-U1E/Ugm8oiH5muI/AAAAAAAAAe4/uEU8OFUcNzA/s1600/tumblr_mn26jsgwSo1qe4vldo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FjkcvY5-U1E/Ugm8oiH5muI/AAAAAAAAAe4/uEU8OFUcNzA/s640/tumblr_mn26jsgwSo1qe4vldo1_500.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
My life is becoming a chore.<br />
I wake up dreading each day. More. And. More.<br />
I have to talk myself out of quitting my job.<br />
I can't help but stare at people and wish I were them.<br />
Because anything is better than.. this.<br />
I'm getting used to myself again. Because my own company always seems rather dull. But, I prefer it over other.<br />
I used to love looking at and taking pictures. That too is a chore. And I'm starting to hate it. <br />
Gloomy over cast days is all I want.That, and sleep.<br />
Where my mind can wonder, but my body can go limp.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-68346595459764840042013-07-06T21:10:00.001-06:002013-07-06T22:38:19.994-06:00Sunshine and road tripsOn my most recent adventure, I went on a smallish road trip to Riggins, Idaho.<br />
Small, podunk town in what seems like is hidden behind rolling mountains. Beautiful and scorching hot- it was a blast.<br />
Nothing can compare to throwing back your seat, closing your eyes, and the only sound is the tires skimming the road.<br />
When that warm sun radiantly hits your eye lids and warms your skin, like you were made for nothing else but to succumb to the rays engulfing every cell in your body. You can't sleep, for the movement of shadows just puts you in a trance. You can't help but to think about everything and nothing all at once. With the person you adore to adoration's fullest potential. The sense that they are next to you makes your heart go into arrhythmia. Not because you need them or you feel insecure without them, but because it's quite the opposite.<br />
Now, time for the next adventure. Because I feed off long days, good company, and being somewhere that's unfamiliar to me. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3M9SGDF7I2LMEjObuQgk6z0gV3667o7ehlhER1t0nTUpmvSXAvyVY3pJkfV5C4jFHYXE18YutpysDaWx3KyYnpoBAynC7FOlBW0AftDJaMsru67XiM8yWN_3OjmmrFMrZk4yvqt36kEo/s1600/tumblr_mohkiqrRSH1qbt7xno1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3M9SGDF7I2LMEjObuQgk6z0gV3667o7ehlhER1t0nTUpmvSXAvyVY3pJkfV5C4jFHYXE18YutpysDaWx3KyYnpoBAynC7FOlBW0AftDJaMsru67XiM8yWN_3OjmmrFMrZk4yvqt36kEo/s640/tumblr_mohkiqrRSH1qbt7xno1_500.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-21754257714259046082013-06-26T15:44:00.001-06:002013-06-26T15:44:30.723-06:00I still blog? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4St1fiq2F8I" target="_blank">Enjoy(:</a> I have the biggest love hate relationship with my days off. I get so bored when I'm home all day. I have spent all day reading about plants and plant reproduction. I promise, if I hear or see the words male stamen or pistil i'll vomit.<br />
<br />
Is it bad to be content with something that you shouldn't be content with?<br />
Seems that's the ultimate goal of most. To be content... or something to that sort.<br />
I just feel like I'm becoming content with who I am, which isn't a bad thing- I guess..<br />
I just know this isn't who I want to be. I mean, who willing wants to be the too shy girl that would rather read than go out and be, you know, social. The girl that holds back because she's afraid of the world. The weirdly passively aggressive girl that is around because, she was invited by someone else. Or the always under dressed, doesn't have a real hobby, thinks to much, never knows what to say to anyone, and is overly obsessed how her apps on her phone are arranged. Seriously though, its like apple is playing a sick prank on me. Nothing looks right!! <br />
<br />
I used to be so anal about my future. Down to the last detail I had it planned out. Sketched enticingly in my mind, and it was beautiful. It would actually motivate me to do things. Now, all I want is for my future room to have white Christmas lights strung everywhere. Nothing is better than falling asleep to the soft calming glow of worn out Christmas lights strung every which way.<br />
<br />
Like always, my attention span is pestering me to do something else. Maybe i'll write more tomorrow..? <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
'<span class="quote">The Sun, with all the planets revolving around it,
and depending on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as though it had
nothing else in the Universe to do.'</span> -
Galileo Galilei</blockquote>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht67kZbPugDOs1hj-ibNoeff66BbGu6fweVjcB_nWZ6mW7YxqHdx43_FwCDeF4iQHRiIDNqVci3TtbwbvhJuGpPaxwFFVpJQNhdOag-oGkFORmymcthrd-NL4NzBBJ21REoNTrRnVSTM9C/s1600/tumblr_m8dhgk4qIx1qzt15co1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht67kZbPugDOs1hj-ibNoeff66BbGu6fweVjcB_nWZ6mW7YxqHdx43_FwCDeF4iQHRiIDNqVci3TtbwbvhJuGpPaxwFFVpJQNhdOag-oGkFORmymcthrd-NL4NzBBJ21REoNTrRnVSTM9C/s640/tumblr_m8dhgk4qIx1qzt15co1_500.jpg" width="478" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqrPbULhs_uaWVU0CO_v0JnhYT8QezVfaPrhIhNH3Qdy35DsB0-gAo5_aGZvivGOS5r2B2Hemnj7p2H8wxMFEwFQoRXi73GuzMr7SYEv6a4mOxO3S6w_RC2_d5IYS56pcJcsmWX8Zb0fp4/s1600/tumblr_mdr4z4QfB51qaobbko1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqrPbULhs_uaWVU0CO_v0JnhYT8QezVfaPrhIhNH3Qdy35DsB0-gAo5_aGZvivGOS5r2B2Hemnj7p2H8wxMFEwFQoRXi73GuzMr7SYEv6a4mOxO3S6w_RC2_d5IYS56pcJcsmWX8Zb0fp4/s640/tumblr_mdr4z4QfB51qaobbko1_500.jpg" width="436" /></a></div>
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-80618309132794404872013-04-01T14:47:00.002-06:002013-04-01T14:51:30.440-06:00Please stop.I keep catching myself red handed. Betrayed and ashamed. Its like a little white lie that has spread through out my body but originating in my bones. now, now its a full gone sepsis and I breath calmly, somewhat knowing its my destined route. I can almost feel it spreading, if I hold really still and try not to move. What once was so second nature now seems like my life depends on it. If I let go of it, I fear I would hemorrhage and die. I feel like if it left me, I'd have no place to go and I'd probably miss the barbaric thing. I think it hits everyone. But do they notice it too? Can they feel its weight pulling, yanking, drawing them in too? Or is this just how it is? Do I just accept it?<br />
I feel as if I don't enjoy everything I do. When I'm one place, I yearn to be somewhere else. It eats at me so I can't fully enjoy my day. My seconds are passing by as minutes and my minutes as hours and you guessed it, my hours passing by as days. I count down to the time I get to leave and happily do what I want. What I enjoy. It's about me, because I'm selfish. <br />
When I'm at school, I wish I was home. Or when I'm at work it has become a second job in and of itself to look at that clock, to count down to when I get to leave. I count down the seconds, milliseconds, nanoseconds until I'm to my sanctuary. I feel like this is the reason my life seems like it's passing by so fast. I'm always so busy, and not enjoying the small things. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too. If I enjoyed everything, then the things I do enjoy most would seem less fulfilling.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Well, there's my nonsense for the day. Proceed with what you were previously doing, until next time..<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwX6xsFfYn2HNdLpZBcCOw2h-CWSHXUICC5huDio-LGAj3AmGcWOsZWID2GrwrTUxzwsV1yLu_7tIbvdX8X4R_JWPlXZ-Bk8vk8kwEeS7mmt01FkCAx_4AGGs1bY7_qaK76Iq6M0tDNyFr/s1600/tumblr_mbp9m3Rgg81qz4d4bo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwX6xsFfYn2HNdLpZBcCOw2h-CWSHXUICC5huDio-LGAj3AmGcWOsZWID2GrwrTUxzwsV1yLu_7tIbvdX8X4R_JWPlXZ-Bk8vk8kwEeS7mmt01FkCAx_4AGGs1bY7_qaK76Iq6M0tDNyFr/s640/tumblr_mbp9m3Rgg81qz4d4bo1_500.jpg" width="570" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-62955995585576866682013-02-27T06:14:00.002-07:002013-02-27T16:27:37.511-07:00Why...Why can't I sleep, even though I'm exhausted. Why can't I eat, even though I'm starving.<br />
Well, today is a different day and I already wish it was over. I wish I was home from school already and under my blankets that know how to comfort me and seems like they always know when I've had a less than appealing day. Plug my head phones in, and put the world on pause... Even if it is for two songs on pandora, then the 30 second commercial comes on and I'm briefly brought back to reality. Good thing it only last for 30 seconds.... Then I'm back.<br />
Should I even go to school today? I'll just be a zombie if I do. I'll just be that overly nice, too quiet girl. That no one appreciates. Well, I cannot confirm nor deny that...<br />
Only a few more class days and a handleful of work days and I can do what I want. Not sure what that exactly is.. Pack up and move somewhere? Take a vacation? Lay out in the sun all day?<br />
Well, I'm going to go humor myself and at least enjoy my semi comfortable bed and peck at my 'protein breakfast' 3 egg whites, 1 yolk, and 4 oz carbs.<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-79954656812222310292013-02-08T20:06:00.001-07:002013-02-08T20:15:52.991-07:00I suck.<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTTkUiLNLN4" target="_blank">Click</a>I guess some people are destened to be alone, forever. I guess I'm one of those people. <br />
I honestly don't know how to be in a functional relationship.<br />
You know those couples that start going out then not even two weeks later they say they "I love you". They move in with each other within a month and have joint Facebooks. Then 3 months later (a whole month more than you had predicted) they are broken up. *repeat cycle with different significat other* Yeah... i'd almost rather be in one of those realtionships. At least they know how to be in functional reationship more than me. <br />
Me and my awkward affection.<br />
Me and my no good emotion.<br />
Me and my hate for opening up to people.<br />
Me and my ignorance how to love another individual.<br />
Me and my anti-social attitude.<br />
Me and my fear of liking someone, then losing them.<br />
<br />
I don't know how to get myself out of this phase. Time? Practice? Or acceptence that this is just how I am? <br />
I confide in my roommate a lot. He tells me that I do know how to be in a functional relationship. But not everyone knows what kind of realtionship they're in.<br />
I guess I see where he's coming from.<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-19762713057853558402013-01-30T20:18:00.002-07:002013-01-30T20:18:48.883-07:00What do you do..What do you do when you don't care who comes or goes. When Days are just days and you can only think about curling under blankets and reading a book . When dropping out of school and moving away crosses your mind way too much. When you want something but you are scared to obtain it. When listening to music is the only thing that will calm your nerves... <br />
What do you do when you don't have anything special about you and it is slowly starting to be more relevant that you don't have a passion like everyone else... <br />
When your friend asks you, 'what's one thing that you really like, it can be anything- food, family member, activity.. and you don't have an answer. You just awkwardly sit there and try to change the subject. Oddly enough you don't have to answer, but it eats at you for weeks.<br />
Seriously, what do you do?<br />
I'm not trying to be diagnosed with clinical depression or anything. I just feel like... I'm lost.<br />
I mean... I love doing things. Count me in for interaction. But, I don't feel like its a passion or a hobbie.<br />
I don't have a friend that i'm close to because we enjoy the 'same thing'.. I don't know how that would even be possible, considering I don't even know what I really enjoy.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2XMbXkLXgnmGui0gBIuX7h55IB6o4oQ17CyLK82DwowgQuy9B6AQPlTU7F0wjFh-CPfS8KxT0icGi7Kcr9MXLMXsCDcjXd0KiuqLJ63IjWIFkXvBccxk2m9IXGtpAzgnf-q2UuANXsXNn/s1600/tumblr_mee2bnAhiU1qjo6i9o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2XMbXkLXgnmGui0gBIuX7h55IB6o4oQ17CyLK82DwowgQuy9B6AQPlTU7F0wjFh-CPfS8KxT0icGi7Kcr9MXLMXsCDcjXd0KiuqLJ63IjWIFkXvBccxk2m9IXGtpAzgnf-q2UuANXsXNn/s640/tumblr_mee2bnAhiU1qjo6i9o1_500.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-28253495736271188442013-01-19T10:24:00.003-07:002013-01-19T10:24:39.562-07:00Hibernation and stuff related to not waking up for prolonged durations..I've honestly have been staring at this stupid computer screen for a good 10 minutes.<br />
I don't even know where to start. So, I guess I'll start by starting off by writing about now knowing where to start..<br />
^That was a horribly constructed intro..<br />
Anyway, I started school on Monday. It's alright.<br />
I really need to figure out a schedule and stick to it. I have this mentality that if I have a strict regime that my life will start being simple again.<br />
Today I've realized a few things.<br />
1. My whole life can be stuffed into 3 small garbage bags.<br />
2. I really enjoy poetry.<br />
3. I must always take my headphones everywhere, it makes people more tolerable.<br />
4. No matter what time I wake up I'll always be tired, so I might as well just wake up at 7am like I need to do.<br />
5. I need to put more effort into things. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TtbJ1S3nC4g/UPrWk0qMW8I/AAAAAAAAAcw/-3m8IzhP9T4/s1600/tumblr_makzbeJ7yz1rfxmydo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TtbJ1S3nC4g/UPrWk0qMW8I/AAAAAAAAAcw/-3m8IzhP9T4/s640/tumblr_makzbeJ7yz1rfxmydo1_500.jpg" width="424" /></a></div>
<br />
<b> 'Slut,' by Daphne Gottlieb</b><br />
i die first<br />in every horror movie,<br />before the innocent boyfriend, the too-<br />curious best friend<br />and the foolhardy pal.<br />death comes blind fast<br />and easy, familiar as the top button of<br />my blouse popping open<br />and suddenly i’m an angel<br />on the cutting room<br />floor, wearing gore,<br />a blank stare, not much<br />more.<br />
i do it over and over.<br />i can play<br />like this for hours.<br />
sometimes i enter a dark<br />room and unbutton<br />my shirt, rock my hips<br />side to side<br />until the killer’s music comes on.<br />then I button up<br />quick, laughing or<br />shaking, sometimes<br />both.<br />
from the way i look<br />after i’m split open<br />you’d never know:<br />i was born a baby.<br />i still sleep<br />with my stuffed poodle.<br />her name is “tammy.”<br />after my parents divorced, i wet<br />the bed for a year.<br />i want to be a nurse.<br />my favorite color is blue.<br />
first kiss at 12,<br />first shame at 13,<br />first blood at 14.<br />skipped four years<br />of gym, skimmed just the tips<br />of my stepfather’s<br />fingers, nothing more.<br />i never took my clothes off<br />for a doctor but my body<br />became a secret<br />handshake<br />all the boys knew<br />and i didn’t.<br />the ghost story<br />made me a ghost.<br />
now, at 16,<br />i only remember my own<br />skin when i am touched.<br />it makes me real<br />when i strip down,<br />take it off, find the edges of my body<br />through your eyes or under<br />your hands, against your skin.<br />it feels like death<br />every time you<br />stop.<br />
there is nothing i can do<br />except open my throat<br />and say the word for girls<br />who are the ghosts of want:<br />
“slut.”<br />i’ll take my shirt off<br />while you watch—<br />call it love<br />when the knife rips<br />through my ribs,<br />when the ice pick cracks<br />my chest, or however<br />it happens this time<br />but first<br />
here’s my prayer:<br />
that what happens to girls like me<br />who die dirty, give it up<br />with a shudder like pleasure—<br />pray that when we’re killed as martyrs<br />we get loved like saints.<br />
<br />
Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-86064363730232345652012-12-16T19:39:00.000-07:002012-12-16T19:39:02.875-07:00Bout that timeIt's about time that I update the world. And by the world I mean you. And by you I mean myself. Because I'm about as entertaining as grass growing, so I'm pretty much writing in regards to myself.<br />
Well, I don't feel like anything has changed since the last time I wrote, but then I look back and nothing is the same. So, riddle me that :/<br />
I went to California for the first time. Can I please just live there? Better yet, can I please just go on another vacation?<br />
This awful awful semester is finally over. Now, time to buckle down and just get the rest done with. I'm so ready to do something more than just half-assing my way through things. The best thing about life, when you mess up, you can just try again. So, here's to my 2nd attempt to do better and here's to my 1st attempt to do it. Does that even make sense?... yeah, didn't think so.<br />
Anyway, today I went to my sister's house for dinner. I rode over with my Dad and brother. It was nice to see all of them. Those baby nieces of mine amaze me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAiPwR-ILAe8FaMGBe0EWESLM6UFb5OuDFoNZ_18j7GL8ViereWMMTLtgGpzpgUwB9sQcgihkwrM9Mix273fLFoNqr9vy4rkH4jB12MXPZztgEN2OrEKxfrImYwjs-yW8PiDKGg27d9ljb/s1600/tumblr_main8tuK4L1qe31lco1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAiPwR-ILAe8FaMGBe0EWESLM6UFb5OuDFoNZ_18j7GL8ViereWMMTLtgGpzpgUwB9sQcgihkwrM9Mix273fLFoNqr9vy4rkH4jB12MXPZztgEN2OrEKxfrImYwjs-yW8PiDKGg27d9ljb/s640/tumblr_main8tuK4L1qe31lco1_500.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Over all, my life is still wonderful. Every now and then I always think, 'my life is perfect right now, I have all the people I need and want'. But, the last time I honestly thought that, my Grandma passed away shortly after... but nonetheless I still cautiously think it from time to time.Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-42513338620092290352012-11-14T17:26:00.000-07:002012-11-14T17:28:45.480-07:00Some days,I can't get <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApTmNbJxV-k" target="_blank">this</a> song out of my mind. <br />
Some days I make it a point to go unnoticed. To not make contact with anyone around me, even if I go out and walk around. I try to avoid talking to anyone. I just try to not a say a word all day. Sounds depressing, right? I think it's more relaxing than anything.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7yC1kZ-yCw8MUvDsLRcg916-jTHOwzb3Dp7SCQfLJkgcJgSwyuI973lozRzwH9RdtIWSHvx8cnDjYuVWqHp3DIjTZZsrXa6CoUJATx1iH-8FzMsMd12TSGrPISEP-uH_Fnp9inbh6GrC0/s1600/tumblr_m8cx9orDXa1r251tno1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7yC1kZ-yCw8MUvDsLRcg916-jTHOwzb3Dp7SCQfLJkgcJgSwyuI973lozRzwH9RdtIWSHvx8cnDjYuVWqHp3DIjTZZsrXa6CoUJATx1iH-8FzMsMd12TSGrPISEP-uH_Fnp9inbh6GrC0/s640/tumblr_m8cx9orDXa1r251tno1_500.jpg" width="424" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
If you remember me, then I don't care if everyone else forgets.</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-66681900803435741232012-10-30T10:07:00.000-06:002012-10-30T10:14:15.837-06:00Hi, I'm Kim...Kimberlee Mee Yung Westover is my full legal name.<br />
I'm 21 years old.<br />
I have 1 sister and 2 brothers. <br />
I'm a Libra, and I feel like it's fitting. I'm very balanced.<br />
Sometimes I can't tell if i'm indecisive or just really passive.<br />
Sometimes I can't tell if i'm shy or just anti-social.<br />
For being so passive, I can be very stubborn.<br />
I contradict myself frequently... as you can probably see.<br />
I hate being woken up to someone vacuuming.. worst thing ever.<br />
Growing up sucks, but I would stay in this stage forever if I could. going to school, monitoring my gas to make it last until my next pay check... I like that... to a certain point.<br />
I've never been a worrier. I just go with the flow of things. I mean, I had little to no money when I moved away from home and no job but somehow everything always works out.<br />
I don't watch tv, so I never know about tv series or what happened on the news.<br />
I'm not a health freak, but I look at food labels like I am one. <br />
I want <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/437516-you-should-date-a-girl-who-reads-date-a-girl" target="_blank">THIS</a> but in a guy form... and maybe a little less emotional. <br />
I grew up in Brigham/Roy.<br />
I moved around a lot when I was little, so I went to more schools than I can count.<br />
I usually only hang out with males.<br />
I way a very hateful preteen... maybe that's why I'm so 'timid' ish now.<br />
Whenever the opportunity is presented to me to make a wish, I take it.<br />
Im scared of the dark, but I can only sleep if it's pure darkness.. With a few exceptions.<br />
I'm a momma's girl and a daddy's girl, the best of both worlds, eh?<br />
I used to LOVE summer, but fall is starting to engulfing my heart.<br />
I used to want to pursue a million things. Nursing, photography, pharmacy tech, become great at sewing, ect. Now I'm just in a stage where I don't know where to start.. or what to do.. <br />
My life goal is to become a Nurse Anesthetist though.<br />
I'm a bookworm, but tend to read in spurts.<br />
I'm not fancy. My clothes are simple, I don't pay money to get my nails done, I cut my own hair, and I dont take 2 hours to get ready.<br />
I'm so ticklish that it's almost ridiculous.<br />
I will own a husky malamute one day. I had one when I was little, and I will have one when I'm older.<br />
I think cooking is fun... But eating is way more fun.<br />
I'm a sucker for stupid love songs.<br />
I love the colors periwinkle and yellow.<br />
Im pretty timid, but if I want something- then ill get it.<br />
When i'm older, I want to adopt a child. An older one. Like 3 or 5. One that received the short end of the stick, and give them a second chance.<br />
I've never really been out of Utah that much.<br />
I've never been to the ocean, Disney Land, or any of those other places.<br />
I can't swim......................... that well. <br />
Whenever I sleep, I have to have something covering me. Even if it's 100 degrees. <br />
I hate wearing shoes.<br />
I hate sleeping with socks on. <br />
I like people with a great sense of humor.<br />
Whenever I drive by myself, I try to get into a state where I just think and listen to music. I say try, because I'm usually just jamming out to music.. but I like the feeling of just thinking, listening to music, and driving.. i've never meditated, but I'm pretty sure that's how it feels.<br />
It's hard for me to make my mind wonder.. I'm always too aware of my surroundings. <br />
I've always wanted to travel to Nova Scotia... just because I hear people sing about it... okay twice, but Id still like to go there. <br />
Oh, and also, my sense of direction is horrible.<br />
<br />
<br />
..I guess this sums me up. Its taken me a while to even complete this little post. I hope I can figure more stuff out about myself and maybe do a continuation of this.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DEEQBdphQ6g/UI_8QOQSl3I/AAAAAAAAAbw/z0IqktYdKOM/s1600/afj.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DEEQBdphQ6g/UI_8QOQSl3I/AAAAAAAAAbw/z0IqktYdKOM/s640/afj.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-13928703249519129732012-10-06T16:48:00.001-06:002012-10-06T16:48:41.665-06:00That time, again..Sweeeeet <strike>16</strike> 21 for me! If you know me, then you know I hate birthdays.. <br />
Well, I can verify that, yes, I still hate them. I just dread the thought of growing old. Maybe because i've worked in the medical field so long and I only see sick geriatric people, or maybe it's because I secretly don't ever want to die. I seriously would be content with living forever! Like that Disney movie, Tuck Everlasting (or some cheesy name like that). But, I guess this birthday was bittersweet. SOooo, I guess over-all, this birthday was one of the best. <br />
<br />
Sorry this post is so late. I haven't had anytime to blog about anything. I figured I'd update the world, since I have nothing else to do while at work.. even though I should probably write some notes or finish an essay. All I do lately is work, sleep, read, procrastinate homework, and effortlessly try to submit assignments (on the day they are due, of course..). Let me just tell you, online school is hard. The classes are easy, but the whole motivate yourself to study and teach yourself everything is what is getting me. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-7328391124763496552012-09-15T17:05:00.000-06:002012-10-30T10:16:30.540-06:00I'm running away...Don't take it personally, but It wouldn't even phase me to pack up in the middle of the night and never come back. To quit my job without notice, drop out of school, not say bye... I have no shame. Ive never been a good liar, so to say i wouldnt miss my family is a pretty big lie. I guess I can't run from all my problems, so I'll stick around for a little longer. I hate when certain people call me, I don't want anything to do with them and they just continually try to talk to me.. I mean really, just save yourself some dignity and leave me alone when I ask. I guess I could blame my parents for my lack of trust in relationships or lack of motivation for commitment... Or I can blame crazy ex's. He says my parents repeatedly getting married and divorced is why ... Or, maybe it's because people are controlling and overbearing. My life is pretty great right now though. I guess I shouldn't complain!! Well, that's enough of me complaining...<br />
School started just as the calendar showed, I secretly was wishing there was some sort of typo and school would there for have to be delayed for a few more weeks, or months.. I'd take either or! I'm doing all my classes online. They're rather easy, just... I need to get into the habit of studying more. Ive had this insane craving for sushi, I even caught myself daydreaming about it... Who the heck daydreams about food? Semi skinny Asian girls do, I guess... (;<br />
Parker moved into my room... But my rent went down to 140 so I'm not complaining. Im not home very often, but having roommates has helped me a lot. For the longest time I was pretty much the only child at home, so this is good experience for me hah.<br />
Well, I've ran out of things to talk about, and I've sadly ran out of things to aid in my procrastination of my physiology homework.. So I guess the only option from here is...... Do my dang homework!<br />
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-79926745744055051882012-08-17T00:59:00.000-06:002012-08-17T07:18:35.173-06:00If death were a personA million emotions have rushed through my body today. The main ones that stick out are: uncontrollably happy, a few pee your pants from laughing moments, even peaceful, but the one that is digging its claws in me, is hate. I feel like it's sitting on my chest, trying to use all its strength to collapse it. Might as well make a home on my shoulder. Better yet, maybe it should just nestle in under my skin. Heck, I'm sure it expects a continental breakfast in the morning. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZxiX8br6WU" target="_blank">Listen here.</a> <I've been listening to this all day.<br />
<div>
<br />
<div>
To start off, I had an extremely wonderful day! One of my baby nieces' turned 10 and whats a birthday without a party? Amiright? So, we did just that! PARTIED! She had a friend birthday party. There was cake, ice cream, limbo, presents, toss-the-tiki, pinata, music, the whole works. Man, I almost forgot what it was like to be 10 and not a care in the world. I almost forgot how exciting it is to receive a pink sea shell from a friend and almost cry from the overwhelming joy in my body. I almost forgot how fun it was to make up games to play (and boy, do I know the person to go to if I ever need help, a certain girl that just turned 10 today..). I almost forgot what it was like to collect the most random of objects and cherish them so much that only a select few individuals could set eyes on such objects. </div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
There should be a rule, that days like this can't be ruined. That the happiness should linger for the next 24 hours. Well, mine was cut short... Hey, at least I got to finish the party? Right?..</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
After things started to settle down. (Do things ever start settling down with 7 10year olds?)</div>
<div>
My sister told me she had to tell me something. I really can't recall what was said. I just know I didn't process it at first. I didn't understand what she was saying, but instantly a lump started to form in my throat. Once I forced myself to understand, I was out the door and speeding down the street heading for I-15. </div>
<div>
She told me that my grandma was in the ER in Brigham City. They think she has spinal meningitis, and she only has less than 24 hours to live.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, I'm at the point where you are questioning why I'm full of hate, and not sadness. </div>
<div>
I'm full of hate because I loath death. If death were a person, we would not be on good terms. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My grandma has a very big spot in my heart. She took care of me. When my parents got a divorce, she was the one that cooked me dinners, found rocks/seeds/bugs in my pockets while doing laundry, along with laundry- she folded my clothes perfectly (even at my young age I was amazed), bought me dresses, preped me for Jr. Peach Queen, meticulously did my hair, bought me socks with ruffles, disciplined me, put my blanket in the dryer before I went to bed, made sure to buy ice cream cones for me, let me play Lego's in her hair salon while she would "gossip" with the ladies, letting me help make raspberry jam/cheese balls/peppermint dessert with her, and her giving me gas money because she wanted me to come visit more. The biggest thing I'll never forget is, she loved me. When my parents were off being immature and stupid, she was there. Not only for me, but for my brothers too!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sorry to cut this short. I'll finish it later. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Oh, </div>
<div>
P.s. I am sad. I don't think I've cried so much in my life... </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br />
<div class="quotie" style="-webkit-transition: 1s; background-color: white; cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-6/oth589.cur), progress !important; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<i><a href="http://findingbeautywherethedarkgoes.tumblr.com/post/29429989554/thomas-edisons-last-words-were-its-very" style="background-color: white; cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-6/oth589.cur), progress !important; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 9px; letter-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: black;">Thomas Edison’s last words were ‘It’s very beautiful over there’. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.</span></a></i></div>
<div class="quotie" style="-webkit-transition: 1s; background-color: white; cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-6/oth589.cur), progress !important; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="color: black;">-John Green</span></div>
<div class="quotie" style="-webkit-transition: 1s; background-color: white; cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-6/oth589.cur), progress !important; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="color: black;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="quotie" style="-webkit-transition: 1s; background-color: white; cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-6/oth589.cur), progress !important; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="color: black;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="quotie" style="-webkit-transition: 1s; background-color: white; cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-6/oth589.cur), progress !important; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<span style="color: black;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="quotie" style="-webkit-transition: 1s; background-color: white; color: #cccccc; cursor: url(http://cur.cursors-4u.net/others/oth-6/oth589.cur), progress !important; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-39953192406041162482012-08-14T10:48:00.000-06:002012-08-14T14:17:34.679-06:00Up to date...Lately, I feel like time has been passing by way to fast. I mean, its already August and I feel like summer should at least be a month longer.. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wqYpPgeHfQ" target="_blank">Listen Up.</a><br />
<br />
So, a few random facts I want to jot down so I don't forget.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>The doctor that I'm totally in love with is back at the hospital. Where he went for two months, I have no idea... But, I saw him yesterday and I think I may have had a slight myocardial infarction. </li>
<li>Some random person at the hospital pulled me aside and told me I was very pretty. Now, I feel awkward getting compliments from strangers. Add a stranger plus being pinned in a corner... </li>
<li>Along with compliments, some person I was doing an ekg on looked at me and said, "OH, you have a beauty mark, it's cute." I hate it though. (I have a slight freckle on my face, like Marilyn Monroe, but not as dark- definitely not as dark or big- thank goodness!)</li>
<li>The other day I hung out with my long lost friend, Mandy. It was nice to be around a person with mass amounts of estrogen in her body, rather than the testosterone filled guys I'm usually around. </li>
<li>My birthday is approaching. Look out world!! If you know me, then you know I dread birthdays. I'm slightly excited for this one. I just want to have a big party and see all my friends.</li>
<li>I've been finding that the littlest most random things make my day better. Blasting music and taking a shower (I may or may not sing and dance...), taking a late night run, receiving the cutest voicemail from my nephew, just listening to music while I drive, waking up early and reading my book, late night texting (I'm not the biggest texter, but I like hiding under my blankest and texting), and other weird things like that!</li>
</ul>
So the other day my cousin posted this. <a href="http://jasonrolsen.blogspot.com/2012/08/what-is-middle-age.html" target="_blank">Click.</a> It's her husbands blog. I really like the post he posted about. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCNks8FoBm9OYvaPt89qAlcPGWN_q8wt5g8jWmhqK73HfPUWCZXpDvAx0S8v_27Y4OqOLkM7u9V-yUd44q2RdZmwQFc3qWAW116POazrjyxyRHhNYjD5Gpx3v62mTR7Ilfm_j3c44CVmPY/s1600/tumblr_m8q668nlPJ1qiplh3o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCNks8FoBm9OYvaPt89qAlcPGWN_q8wt5g8jWmhqK73HfPUWCZXpDvAx0S8v_27Y4OqOLkM7u9V-yUd44q2RdZmwQFc3qWAW116POazrjyxyRHhNYjD5Gpx3v62mTR7Ilfm_j3c44CVmPY/s640/tumblr_m8q668nlPJ1qiplh3o1_500.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh, I went camping a few weeks ago. This is the result from it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIVRkmWuXaMQdTclkPg6S6FI9WAcR0itu8UosGN-NnH-kqW0Ij3aumt9_LGvxh1BUW9ZiZTaydnnMDxRzQlBrM6IbUKJOV4noTkcof5AXAY1O9xiD7IQkm7Alz-X9LpFwVgqNv94Ftatew/s1600/tumblr_m8r72pA0nd1qiplh3o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIVRkmWuXaMQdTclkPg6S6FI9WAcR0itu8UosGN-NnH-kqW0Ij3aumt9_LGvxh1BUW9ZiZTaydnnMDxRzQlBrM6IbUKJOV4noTkcof5AXAY1O9xiD7IQkm7Alz-X9LpFwVgqNv94Ftatew/s640/tumblr_m8r72pA0nd1qiplh3o1_500.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
Aren't they cute. My baby niece... well, she's grown up. 13 to be exact ):</div>
<div align="center">
I feel like it was just yesterday that she was a toddler and playing with all my things in my room. (which at the time annoyed me, but now I look back and I'm glad she did). I love how mature she is too. I also love listening to music with her, because she listens to the music that none of my friends listen to.. so I jam with her!</div>
Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6995459219541360499.post-75190933151228883372012-07-13T12:14:00.000-06:002012-07-13T12:14:19.629-06:00lately...For the past week or so i've been really down. Which is very strange. So strange that I feel like it gives me a surge of anxiety. I've never had anxiety in my life! So that for one is also strange to me! But I can only come to the conclusion that it is anxiety... unless it's my digestive track acting up, which I can highly reassure you- very doubtful. <br />
For the most part i've been down about small things. I've been thinking that I miss living at home. I miss seeing my Mom and Dad (which I do see them a lot now... I'm just a real big baby). I have been thinking of all money I could save if I didn't have a car payment, or rent. I hate my job- whoa whoa, before you start thinking, "what the heck?" let me rephrase that... I hate my job, for the mere and utter fact that I wish I could spend more time with my family. <br />
Now, I like summer, yet I really want school to start (I don't mind school and I really love learning so I miss that aspect). <br />
<br />
But every story has a twist to it. A happy ending. The so called climax. Some life changing, heart skipping moment. Right? <br />
Well, I forced upon myself to find mine. <br />
<br />
What is it that I found? <br />
I found that i'm very blessed. That I live on my own and i'm fortunate enough to have the ability to be able to afford it. I'm proud when someone asks where I live, and I can reply with, "I live in Salt Lake in an apartment in the Avenues."<br />
That, even though I don't see my family as much as I would like, that when I do see them I can cherish that moment more. <br />
I'm blessed so much for a job that pays well enough that I can work two days a week (but I usually work more that two days..) and pay all my necessary bills.<br />
It's sad that I have to remind myself of all the good in my life, because i'm usually to busy looking at the bad.<br />
<br />
I would also like to note that I went swimming with my nieces' last week. those girls are a hoot. They even taught me to swim better (anyone that knows me, knows I'm not the best swimmer). <br />
I'm perfectly fine with the idea of not ever having kids, because i'll just spoil my nieces and nephew. (:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqzVp3O9yBC3wkqLs4KHoVtyQEM2iNBfxfZWInjHPjjD3-xYrROlOqbeYtgg4rCbznecb8oQklEfsIdgl2ZHJqcG2EL0Thqu_oXap_zDEAsfStlhS1nv0gggv2ZNfZ_nEMJ_skTyg9d-4T/s1600/IMG_2642.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqzVp3O9yBC3wkqLs4KHoVtyQEM2iNBfxfZWInjHPjjD3-xYrROlOqbeYtgg4rCbznecb8oQklEfsIdgl2ZHJqcG2EL0Thqu_oXap_zDEAsfStlhS1nv0gggv2ZNfZ_nEMJ_skTyg9d-4T/s640/IMG_2642.jpg" width="424" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04192735844182132492noreply@blogger.com0